“True forgiveness comes when you realize there is something totally radiant inside you, that nobody could ever touch.” ~Eckhart Tolle
My upbringing was marked by emotional abuse—a household where scars and shattered self-esteem were left in the wake. My father, the provider, left indelible marks of pain. My mother, nurturing yet critical, could switch from comfort to attack in an instant. Amid bullies and an unstable school, her companionship was a fragile refuge.
As a child, emotions were simple—black or white. The world remained stark. I was yet to understand that people existed in shades of gray. Depression held me captive until the internet became my guide to healing.
Articles touted forgiveness, yet I rejected that notion. My journey was far more intricate.
Healing became my focus, initiating a tumultuous spiral. The road was lined with extremes, tears, and a pursuit of perfection. But there was also love, joy, camaraderie, and moments of profound tranquility.
Six years later, I realized I was no longer consumed by thoughts of my parents. I saw them as flawed individuals and forgave them for their cruelties. I learned to establish boundaries without being engulfed by rage and to let go of resentment after conflicts.
Acceptance of pain is paramount. Trauma’s depth endures, its impact enduring. Recovery isn’t about erasing the aftermath; it’s about living fully in the present, untethered by the past or future.
It’s crucial to avoid adopting the patterns of abusers and relinquishing your power to them. Attempting to mend myself initially, I scribbled endless goals. I sought to reshape me, believing that altering myself would improve their treatment of me.
But a checklist about abuse shifted my perspective. It wasn’t me; they were the issue. The focus shifted from self-fixing to a desire for them to change. However, this strategy backfired, as they seized upon my anger, using it against me.
Eventually, I realized their inability to change. Closure can’t be extracted from others. You can’t control their actions.
Self-love should accompany your journey. Embrace yourself, unburdened by the pursuit of perfection. As an abuse survivor, I aimed to shed insecurities, evade sorrow, and cry less.
My inner voice transformed—a friend rather than a critic. Journaling, positive self-talk, and self-compassion all contributed. Building an identity beyond pain is essential. With forgiveness, I’d not consciously chosen forgiveness; I’d chosen healing.
I reveled in creativity—writing stories, painting, laughing. These moments taught me that I am more than a survivor. Despite abuse’s lasting impact, my talents and worth remain intact. They are my journey’s markers, not its scars.
Forgiveness should be approached with care. Scars endure, but by forgiving, I unburdened myself. However, this culmination follows a profound process—accepting lessons, integrating them into my identity, and creating space for love and memories.
True forgiveness is a journey requiring time and healing. Rushing into forgiveness is unwise. Instead, prioritize healing, create art, and foster healthy relationships. In time, forgiveness will come—freely and without force.
