“The quality of your life is a direct reflection of the quality of the questions you are asking yourself.” ~Tony Robbins
By nature, I’m geared to action—to keep moving, progressing, and making things happen. The notion of slowing down often demands a hefty dose of patience from me. Ironically, I’ve discovered that racing ahead without pause can lead to even greater confusion.
One particular day, my mind swirled with a whirlwind of questions. What had begun as a simple notion—me residing in a diminutive house on wheels—had remarkably morphed into a grand vision: creating a tiny house community.
After traversing the country, towing a sprawling twenty-nine-foot Airstream trailer—a feat that marked my inaugural eBay purchase—I found myself in the midst of assembling yet another tiny house, with yet another awaiting my attention.
Life was bustling, yet an undercurrent of doubt threatened to halt my momentum. The dominant query relentlessly echoed within me: “Will this endeavor truly succeed?”
In that moment, I surrendered, took a seat, and began to write.
I jotted down the persistent question along with its entourage of related and seemingly unrelated doubts, swirling within the haze of uncertainty.
In this instance, a personal ritual emerged—one that I’ve embraced countless times since, whenever I confront feelings of disorientation, skepticism, or directionlessness. This ritual isn’t complex; in fact, it’s astonishingly simple:
I assess the questions I’m posing about my work and existence, altering them to empower rather than distress me.
There’s a shared yearning among us—to attain clarity. We strive to progress with integrity and a sense of purpose.
Whether life mirrors a roller coaster or glides seamlessly forward, one constant remains: questions will forever occupy our minds.
As I believe, embarking on a journey of growth and pursuit of dreams inevitably spawns multiple questions, a perpetual stream that may inundate our thoughts.
Questions themselves aren’t inherently negative; they possess the potential to guide us deeper, to fathom the steps required for forward movement—provided we pose the right inquiries.
Often, we inadvertently undermine our self-assuredness by posing questions that chip away at our belief in our capabilities. Examples of such undermining queries include:
- Is this venture destined to succeed?
- Why can’t I decipher this puzzle?
- What’s amiss within me?
- Why does everyone else appear to have it easier?
- How can I manipulate these individuals into thinking/doing xyz?
These questions, as mentioned, cast us into a victim’s or scarcity mindset, robbing us of control and the power to assume responsibility.
Recognizing an undermining question isn’t arduous—it’s measured by how it makes you feel. While empowering questions might present challenges, they never elicit feelings of self-doubt. An undermining query, conversely, instigates self-blame, points fingers at others, or criticizes the situation.
One remedy for transforming an undermining question is simply flipping it. Swap “What is wrong with me?” for “What is right with me?” or “How can I refine my behavior?” This shift focuses your attention on your strengths, highlights what’s functional, and outlines avenues for growth.
Another technique involves steering away from mere “yes” or “no” answers. Although counterintuitive—given that we question for clarity—the initial quest for quick answers stems from discomfort with uncertainty. Yet, the magic lies in probing deeper. To accomplish this, tweak an undermining question to necessitate profound reflection.
For instance, in the vein of the question that taunted me concerning my tiny house community, alter “Will this endeavor succeed?” to “How will this endeavor succeed?” This subtle adjustment presupposes success and prompts the pursuit of a solution.
Furthermore, there’s a tendency to cede control, assign blame, and relinquish command to external forces—despite being well into the journey of personal growth. When seeking solutions tied to others’ perceptions or actions, we divert our problem-solving energy, placing it beyond our grasp.
To regain control, realign the focus to yourself. Rather than asking “How do I get this group of people to do what I want them to do?” reframe it as “What actions do I need to take to achieve what I want to accomplish?” This approach restores your authority and influence.
The conversion of undermining questions into empowering ones catalyzes serenity, expansion, and clarity. Responding to these empowering questions unloads the weight from your mind—almost like discarding a bag of bricks.
Curious to try? Engage in this straightforward process to unpack, evaluate, and uncover answers to your own queries:
Step 1: Unload Retrieve your journal and pour onto its pages every question encompassing your business, work, relationships, and life’s panorama. Continue writing until thoughts repeat themselves.
Step 2: Examine Scrutinize these questions. Any that appear undermining should be transformed into empowering ones using the aforementioned strategies.
Step 3: Answer For the remaining questions, allot time to journal your personal responses. Avoid overthinking—instead, write and witness what emerges.
Feel free to revisit this process as frequently as you desire. From my experience, its execution ushers in a substantial clarity, fostering confidence as I’m equipped with a trusted methodology to counter moments of bewilderment.
