Have you ever faced a breakup or divorce where love still lingered, making goodbyes even more painful?
My story starts on a rooftop in Istanbul, where I met my ex-girlfriend. I had sold my possessions to travel, while she led tours in Asia. She was everything I wanted – beautiful, confident, and funny. Our journey took us from India to China, Australia to Canada, where we built a strong, loving relationship for five years.
Then, suddenly, it ended.
No shouting, no fights, just a candid talk about our diverging paths. Tough questions arose: Do we soldier on and hope for a miracle? Or do we let go? We chose the latter, an agonizing choice.
Living together as we worked out details was surreal. The logistics needed sorting: a new home, car sale, cat custody. Separate beds, shared meals, but the love persisted, complicating our decision.
I struggled. Paralyzed by sadness, my work halted, tears flowed, and unhealthy habits took root. But I realized I had a choice: wallow or move forward. I chose progress. Here’s what helped guide me:
1. Time Isn’t a Cure-All
During the breakup, the cliché “time heals” echoed around me. But guess what? Time isn’t a magic salve. It’s a crutch for Netflix binging, ice cream indulgence, and wine sips.
Sure, time might eventually ease the pain. But why sacrifice months, years waiting? Life is short, and we’ve got one shot. Believing time alone will mend our wounds is a waste. Don’t linger in sorrow; take action.
Ditch the notion that time is your savior. Act. Engage with life, meet new people, embrace neglected hobbies. Reject passivity. Don’t let pain dictate your pace.
2. Love Can’t Always Fix It
Friends and family wondered, “If you love each other, can’t you make it work?” The myth that love conquers all permeates our minds, fed by rom-coms where love triumphs.
Real life isn’t so predictable.
My ex and I still loved each other, but fundamental differences remained. Love can’t reshape core values. Take having kids – a dichotomy there can’t be fixed. Love can’t override that gap. Love doesn’t guarantee compatibility on big life decisions.
Love is enriching, but it’s not everything.
3. Grieve, but Set a Limit
Grieving is essential. Mourn losses, be it a relationship or something else. Understand your emotions. But be cautious. I grieved poorly, using unhealthy crutches. Temporarily soothing, but ultimately detrimental.
Recognize unhealthy grieving patterns. After a month of indulgence, I realized I had to stop. Productivity vanished, and I yearned to rebuild. Explore healthier grieving outlets: creative endeavors, travel, connecting with others who share your pain.
Grieve wisely, don’t prolong it.
4. Lean on Others
A friend’s blunt text snapped me out of self-pity: “Stop sobbing, move on, make it happen.” Friends like these are gems. We can’t do it alone, regardless of our past or status.
Amid relationships, friendships endure. When love falters, it’s friends and family who catch us, provide tough love, and lend shoulders. Don’t let romantic involvements overshadow these vital connections.
Build a support network, cherish it. You’ll need their love someday.
5. A Journey, Not a Waste
Looking back, it’s easy to consider a failed relationship a waste. “Five years gone!” echoes in our minds.
But think – are you the same person who started that relationship? Growth occurs during love, pain, and loss. Your journey shapes you, teaching communication, resilience, and more.
Don’t view it as starting anew. You’ve evolved. I spoke French, learned about new cultures, and forged lasting memories. The relationship, despite its end, isn’t a waste.
If you’re grappling with a recent breakup or divorce, my heart goes out to you. I understand your struggle. Reflect, grieve, and feel your emotions deeply. But remember, you have a choice.
Moving on might seem simple, but it’s a path toward renewal. If you choose to move ahead, embrace it with confidence and authenticity. Remind yourself of the lessons above. Thrive in the limited time we have – make every moment count.
