Have you ever felt the pull of closure? That urge for things to come full circle, to find that moment of vindication or completion? It’s a tempting sensation, isn’t it?
There are moments in life when seeking resolution becomes paramount. Picture a heated argument with your partner; finding common ground can fortify the bond you share. Consider a contract dispute that’s stalling progress on a project; resolving it becomes imperative.
In such scenarios, pursuing closure makes sense, but here’s the twist: life presents us with situations where we yearn for closure, even when it no longer serves us. Curiously, this longing can hinder our growth.
Think about it. When we feel wronged, we ache for resolution. The magnitude of the offense may vary, yet we seek the truth. Who’s at fault? If we already know, why did they do it? We assume that closure is the key to moving ahead.
Let me share a personal story. Once, I was in a relationship with a man who proved deceitful. Unbeknownst to me, he pilfered my credit card information and indulged in reckless spending. Since I wasn’t using those cards, the bills went unnoticed as he intercepted them.
I only learned of his betrayal after our breakup, adding another layer to my heartache. Amid the usual post-breakup emotions, I grappled with his capacity to lie and steal from me. Our love had soured, but the lingering desire for accountability, an apology, an explanation, persisted.
Predictably, I received none of that. The shock reverberated for months. It took time to realize that my inability to move on stemmed from waiting for him to validate his actions. To move forward, I needed to release the grip on my wish for his acknowledgment.
We yearn to be in the right, to have our grievances acknowledged and even validated. If possible, we crave an admission of guilt. Yet, this quest for closure often surrenders our power, as if we’re saying, “I can’t progress until…”
The truth is, we crave an internal shift—an emotional healing. We’re aware the external world can’t mend our feelings. This realization holds true for closure as well.
Let me share my approach to surmounting the thorny situation with my deceitful ex. It’s a blueprint I turn to whenever I’m ensnared by the illusion that satisfaction is my only salvation.
Step one: Concede that something unpleasant transpired. We can’t gloss over pain to appear invulnerable. Recognize and accept the hurt before moving forward.
Step two: Unearth all your emotions. This might be easy for minor matters, yet profound events demand introspection. Identifying and validating these emotions is vital—a self-acknowledgment that propels us forward.
By the way, it’s our prerogative to define what’s significant for us. Comparison is unnecessary; it’s about self-process and growth.
Step three: Release the need for external validation. This isn’t about forgiveness or taking the moral high ground. It’s about us, our desires, and our progress. We affirm that we can advance, regardless of external closure.
Seeking resolution externally also means seeking acknowledgment from others. Mastering self-acknowledgment is a gift we bestow upon ourselves.
Whether you employ these guidelines or chart your course, the choice is clear: move forward. Embrace your journey, for the one who reaps the benefits and suffers the consequences is none other than you.
