Forget the Failures, Embrace the Lessons” – Dalai Lama’s words remind us that the lessons we learn matter more than the failures we face. The time had come; I was officially an ‘adult’ at thirty. My twenties were a time of growth and healing, despite a difficult upbringing with a narcissistic, alcoholic father. It was a period of adventures, fun, and self-discovery.
However, turning thirty brought uncertainties that overshadowed my happiness. Health issues loomed larger, my career path seemed unclear, and I hadn’t found a place I truly wanted to call home. The question many ask—’Are you married with kids?’—had a simple ‘no’ as my answer. It made me question my accomplishments.
In times of uncertainty, I turned to an old friend: negativity. Like a familiar, not-so-warm blanket, it offered comfort during tough times. It shielded me when I lacked a safe haven, a comforting hug, or reassurance. It was my coping mechanism.
Yet, I had learned to shed that negativity in my twenties. I let go of old habits, embraced challenges, and sought solutions with a positive mindset. Now, I needed to return to that mindset without criticizing myself for feeling natural emotions.
It’s normal not to be positive all the time. We’re only human, allowed to have low moments as long as they don’t consume us. Let’s explore ways to transition gently from negativity to positivity.
Face Your Emotions: We all go through tough emotions. Don’t hide them; it’s okay to feel. Suppressing them brings shame and blurs the real issues. I felt a mix of emotions before thirty—lost and insecure compared to peers. Acknowledging these feelings helped me move past them.
Recognize Your Triggers: Understand what bothers you. Identifying fears, uncertainties, and stressors clarifies what you can change, face, or let go. My triggers were fears of financial stability and future care. Recognizing them guided me toward solutions and patience.
Create Space: Step back from emotions, see them objectively. I shed shame by letting go of the narrative that turning thirty meant no achievements. I stopped controlling the future and focused on my hopes.
Cultivate Gratitude: Start with gratitude for the little things. You don’t have to be grateful for your problem. Identify three things you’re grateful for daily. I found value in my life—moving, friends, work—that cultivated gratitude.
Balance Good and Bad: Life isn’t all good or bad. Perspective matters. Empower yourself by accepting both and finding the good even in tough situations. I realized my twenties held travel, diverse jobs, and unexpected hobbies.
Spot Opportunities: Amid challenges, find chances to better yourself. Refine your skills and habits. I saw an opportunity to become a better person, to grow in a new direction.
Build Strength: Call on courage during hard times. A friend shared, ‘The more you go through, the more you know you can handle.’ Believe in your strength.
Focus on Lessons: Past challenges hold lessons. Did you get through them? Did they make you stronger? That’s your silver lining. I saw how my perspective shapes my journey, and negativity wasn’t as useful as I thought.
Accept All Emotions: It’s okay to feel bad. Gently pull yourself out of it, just as you’d support a friend. Motivate yourself; you’ll feel stronger and more positive.
In this journey, embracing emotions and learning from failures led me to a more positive and empowered life.